OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
