booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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