I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
