p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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