did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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