I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
