have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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