my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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