i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
