he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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