You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
