and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
