Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
