Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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