i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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