I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
