Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
