bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
