Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
