just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
