just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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