I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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