I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
