final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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