By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
