EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
