Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
