What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
