you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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