we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
