friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
