I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
