Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My vagina is very pro this idea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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