omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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