I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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