ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
