I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
