im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
