Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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