well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
