guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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