I have demons in me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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