the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone owes me an orgasm
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
