Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
