New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
