How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
