Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
