why didn't you poke me back
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
