I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
