Screwed.edu
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
