sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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