i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
