umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
