I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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