Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
