i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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