hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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