Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
