Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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