Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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