that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
