I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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