After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just pee around me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
