I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
be right there i have to get my cape
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back