so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.