Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.