Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.

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  (727): I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was. http://tfl.nu/ul38
  Replies (14) Good night (4622) Bad night (944)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why does Corona taste like a burp?

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  (205): Why does Corona taste like a burp? http://tfl.nu/2bn9
  Replies (39) Good night (683) Bad night (3679)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

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  (540): we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated http://tfl.nu/hyb4
  Replies (17) Good night (5367) Bad night (1716)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin

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  (630): It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin http://tfl.nu/b3ck
  Replies (18) Good night (4274) Bad night (642)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break

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  (214): She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break http://tfl.nu/bh5f
  Replies (8) Good night (1304) Bad night (4014)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in

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  (709): its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in http://tfl.nu/vymu
  Replies (10) Good night (3023) Bad night (1111)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out

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  (314): apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out http://tfl.nu/7udd
  Replies (8) Good night (4818) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.

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  (703): Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick. http://tfl.nu/xrlx
  Replies (25) Good night (3074) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

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  (207): well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work? http://tfl.nu/5z5c
  Replies (10) Good night (3224) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.

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  (270): I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles. http://tfl.nu/5ga0
  Replies (13) Good night (3254) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.

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  (530): I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out. http://tfl.nu/bpyp
  Replies (14) Good night (713) Bad night (1773)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Why were you not born a dude?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Because god wanted to level the playing field

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  (727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo
  Replies (3) Good night (1041) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4

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  (706): I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4 http://tfl.nu/1te5
  Replies (7) Good night (374) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.

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  (803): I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do. http://tfl.nu/jefl
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls

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  (+44): My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls http://tfl.nu/6im1
  Replies (3) Good night (346) Bad night (561)

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