I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...