I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.