I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
