its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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