The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
